One Second Everyday 2016

1se

Another year is over and another one has begun. Last year was a whirlwind of ups and downs. It seemed like there were more downs than ups, but there was some good and right now, I am choosing to focus on that. I’ve included a link to my One Second Everyday video. It’s from an app called One Second Everyday, and you basically just record a second of video everyday, or upload a picture and the app mashes it all together into a video at the end of the year. I love it and so do many of my friends! So, without any more preamble click the link and check it out!

One Second Everyday 2016

Choices

Choices. There are so many choices to make everyday. Some are simple. What to eat for breakfast. Which shoes to wear. Others are harder. They need more thought. Which house should I buy? Should I get life insurance?  How do we know which choice to make? How do we know that we are making the right one? Sometimes we make the right choice. We feel satisfaction and know that our decision is sound. But what happens when we make the wrong choice? What if you thought it was the right thing to do, but it ends up being wrong? What if we regret the choice we make and want to take it back? What if we can’t? What if the choices we make impact not only ourselves, but others? Perhaps the decisions others make have an effect on us even if we are unaware of what was decided? What happens if we aren’t a part of the decision-making process? How should we feel if the end result isn’t what we wanted, or expected? What do we do if we expect it, but can’t control it? Or, if we can control the outcome but not the reactions to it?

Life is all about choices and the effects that they have on our lives. Worrying about their outcome can cause us stress… But, it can also help us to thoroughly think about all possibilities before jumping to conclusions and making the wrong choice.

But how do we know if we’ve thought about a decision too little, enough, or too much? 2roads

How do we know which road to take?

Floating

Immersed.

Enveloped by the warmth.

Floating.

Surrounded by the silence.

Drifting.

The light gets dark and turns to black.

Sightless.

The darkness takes over but isn’t threatening.

Sinking.

The feeling of weightlessness takes over.

Comforting.

The everyday floats away.

Flowing.

The water washes away everything.

 

Floating.

Adrift in the water.

Drowning.

Never felt so good.

2016, I am Done with You.

2016, what a year you have been. You have given me so many challenges. Emotional challenges that just keep on coming. I don’t even know where to begin. I’m a strong person, this is I know from the challenges of previous events in my life. But this year, well this year has been a clusterfuck for lack of a better word. (Although, I think clusterfuck sums it up nicely.) And being the interesting year that you’ve been, you even did me the courtesy of having the end of 2015 give me a preview of what you would bring.

What am I talking about? Well, first you had December 2015 surprise me with Kolby’s cancer diagnosis. Let me tell you, I was NOT prepared for that. At all. She seemed so healthy, that when the vet informed me her cancer was terminal, I was gobsmacked. How could this beautiful, loving dog that I was adopting into my life be riddled with cancer? Why? Hadn’t she had a hard enough life? Didn’t she deserve to live a long, happy life with me? Then, if that weren’t enough, my grandma who also had cancer fell out of bed and broke her arm and ended up in the hospital. Seriously?!

Then when you came rolling in on January 1st, you let us have a small bit of peace. Until my aunt became so ill that we were scared that we were going to lose her.  She pulled through, but you weren’t finished. Kolby’s cancer progressed so much, that her battle needed to be ended so she wouldn’t suffer. February 6th, 2016 was one of the hardest days of my life. I had to put my girl to sleep. By myself. Why? Because my grandma was in the hospital and my parents had left town that day to see her. So they didn’t get to say goodbye. At least my aunt, my best friend and her daughter were able to be with me because I don’t know what I would have done if I had to be all alone.

March came along and saw my grandmother’s condition worsen and her battle was lost as well. But you decided that wasn’t good enough, and had to make my uncle sick causing him to miss his mother’s funeral. And let’s just say his condition is serious without the added rushes to the hospital that you had him make. I’m just glad that you decided that he’d been through enough the last few years and spared him.

But you decided that you weren’t done with me. I, apparently, have not had enough. No. apparently, being given a break is not in the cards. No. You had to do me one more time. You decided that this year needed to be topped off big. You decided that it would okay to announce that my dad has prostate cancer. Low-grade, sure. But cancer nonetheless. Because cancer is going to be the ruling factor in my life. This disease that has wrecked havoc on the lives of so many, has become the one disease that just won’t quit affecting my loved ones.

2016, you are not over yet but I do hope you are over causing me grief. Because if you are not, you can be damn sure that I WILL own 2017 and will own it with a vengeance!

Heard

Do you ever have the feeling that no matter how hard you try, you are always just going to be treading water? You know, like you are just always going to be ok but never good or great at anything. Kind of like you are drifting through life. I have so many hopes and dreams and yet life’s disappointments seem to be so overwhelming that they are fogging over the pathway and I can’t see any direction that will take me where I want to be. I know the road is not always going to be smooth and the end isn’t always going to be in sight, or even the one that I thought it would be, but right now I feel like things are just out of my reach. No matter how hard I try or how high I jump, I’ll never reach them. Everyone says that “you’re not the only one that feels this way. So many others do… ” Blah, blah, blah. Hearing that isn’t very comforting or helpful. It actually makes me feel worse.

Everyone’s situation is different, even if the feelings are the same. Sometimes I just want someone to listen to me. I don’t need advice, nor am I necessarily asking for any. I just want someone to hear me. I always feel like people are just brushing me off. Like my words and feelings don’t really matter. Like I am just being silly. What I want is validation. Validation that it is okay to feel they way that I do. That I am entitled to feel the way I do. That I am not being brushed off or simply agreed with so that I’ll shut up about what I am saying.

I guess I’ll just have to work through it on my own. There really is no other way to it. I’ll just have to listen to myself. Iam the only one who hears me anyway.

Shame on you Russia!

http://www.foxnews.com/world/2014/02/03/sochi-officials-order-stray-dogs-killed-ahead-olympics/

This is so ridiculous! I don’t understand what killing stray dogs has to do with the Olympics? Because people will find them dirty, or irritating, or whatever? Have the Russian officials thought that there are stray dogs in every country? People from around the world are used to stray dogs. Sadly, the death of millions happens every day around the world. The problem isn’t the dogs, it’s the people who owned them that decided that they didn’t want them anymore and let them loose. Or those that didn’t spay/neuter their pets and bred puppies who in turn ended up unwanted. Then are the natural wild dog packs that exist in nature. Yes, they do end up in cities. They migrate, it’s what they do when they are looking for food.

Humans are the reason for stray dogs. So what do we do? Murder, maim and torture them to control the population that we let get so out of control. Shame on us! Shame on Russia for deciding this is the way to go. Shame on everyone who turns a blind eye to this. We’re the problem. How much money goes into the production of the Olympics? How much of those funds could be used to help solve the real issues at hand? It’s so sad that this is what we resort to when there are other, more humane ways. Makes be ashamed to be human.

Happiness Quest

Happiness. One word that controls everything we do. Seeking it, feeling it, reliving it. Always on a quest to find it. Yet that quest feels futile. There are times when you have to wonder what all the searching is really for. Who it’s really for. Is life really just about the quest for fleeting moments of happiness, or can one truly be happy all the time?

I guess I am still on the quest.