Choices

Choices. There are so many choices to make everyday. Some are simple. What to eat for breakfast. Which shoes to wear. Others are harder. They need more thought. Which house should I buy? Should I get life insurance?  How do we know which choice to make? How do we know that we are making the right one? Sometimes we make the right choice. We feel satisfaction and know that our decision is sound. But what happens when we make the wrong choice? What if you thought it was the right thing to do, but it ends up being wrong? What if we regret the choice we make and want to take it back? What if we can’t? What if the choices we make impact not only ourselves, but others? Perhaps the decisions others make have an effect on us even if we are unaware of what was decided? What happens if we aren’t a part of the decision-making process? How should we feel if the end result isn’t what we wanted, or expected? What do we do if we expect it, but can’t control it? Or, if we can control the outcome but not the reactions to it?

Life is all about choices and the effects that they have on our lives. Worrying about their outcome can cause us stress… But, it can also help us to thoroughly think about all possibilities before jumping to conclusions and making the wrong choice.

But how do we know if we’ve thought about a decision too little, enough, or too much? 2roads

How do we know which road to take?

Floating

Immersed.

Enveloped by the warmth.

Floating.

Surrounded by the silence.

Drifting.

The light gets dark and turns to black.

Sightless.

The darkness takes over but isn’t threatening.

Sinking.

The feeling of weightlessness takes over.

Comforting.

The everyday floats away.

Flowing.

The water washes away everything.

 

Floating.

Adrift in the water.

Drowning.

Never felt so good.

Five Months…

My Kolby. My sweet, sweet Kolby girl. It’s been five months since you left this world. Five months since a part of my heart left with you when you journeyed to the Rainbow Bridge. It feels like just yesterday that I brought you home. You entered into my life like a whirlwind. You brought your goofy smile and demanding bark into my house, and left paw prints all over place.

Losing you was one of the most devastating things that has ever happened to me. Making the decision to free you from pain was both easy and difficult. Easy because I saw that you were starting to suffer, and that is the last thing that I ever wanted for you. Difficult because I knew that choice would mean that I would never see you, hold you, or kiss you again. It hurt my heart and soul to lose you. You brought so much joy into my life even though you were only with me for a way too short period of time. Landon loved you so much. You helped him gain confidence. You two were partners in crime. Always side by side. The way you two played made me smile. You would definitely put Landon in his place, and he never seemed to mind.

I miss you so very much. I can’t put into words how much you mean to me. I say mean, because you will always be with me. I just wish I could hold you one more time. Even if only for a moment.I love you so much. You will forever be my pretty, pretty princess.

Kolby

Strength in Our Weakness

“She wears a fake smile so well. But she really wants to cry. She thinks that crying shows she’s weak. No one told her that it means you’ve been strong for too long.”

Looking in the mirror

Seeing what I see,

I’m not sure who I recognize

Who is staring back at me.

Eyes like emeralds,

Shining with tears.

Insecurities swirling

Around in my head.

Can’t drown the thoughts,

They’ve taken over my soul.

Thought I had fought them.

I thought I had won.

But it looks like

The battle has only

Just begun.

How come on days like this

I see what I see?

Why can’t see myself

How others see me?

The girl in the mirror is fragile

Like glass.

She feels like she’s breaking,

Like she is going to crash.

The tears won’t stop falling

down from her eyes.

She doesn’t know why they

Started, or why they won’t go.

It’s her inner demons she’s fighting.

That girl in the mirror.

For there’s one thing she wishes for.

And that’s to see herself clearer.

But for now, the tears fall.

Along with her soul.

Hoping to pick up the pieces,

but when, she doesn’t know.

Perhaps there is someone,

who sees her a bit clearer.

Someone who can make her smile.

And help her to realize that it’s

Okay to be weak.

For in our weakness we find strength.

If not always in ourselves.

Crying is way that we call out for help.

So if someone is there to help this

Girl through her pain,

Let her know so that she can

get over her shame.

 

Letting Go

Letting go

They say letting go is good

Good for the soul

Good for the mind

Good for the heart

But how does one let go?

How does one tell the mind, the heart, the soul

That now is the time to let go?

Closure is needed

But has never really found

One sided, imaginary conversations

Are what has been going ’round

The mind wants it to stop

The heart pleads for relief

The soul is caught in the cycle of grief

Letting go

How do we begin to let go

When for the last few years this is all that

Have really ever known?

Letting go

How

Do

I

Let 

You

Go?

Chains

It grips you tight

Wraps around you

Like a vice

Twisting and fighting

to break the hold

You struggle against

the chains

But the drag you down

Your will is broken

and your beaten down

Resolve weakens as

the chains tighten

So tight that you can’t

breathe

Fighting against the feeling is

futile

It’s buried within

Melancholic chains

never far

Never gone

They loosen for awhile

but never go away