Do you ever have the feeling that no matter how hard you try, you are always just going to be treading water? You know, like you are just always going to be ok but never good or great at anything. Kind of like you are drifting through life. I have so many hopes and dreams and yet life’s disappointments seem to be so overwhelming that they are fogging over the pathway and I can’t see any direction that will take me where I want to be. I know the road is not always going to be smooth and the end isn’t always going to be in sight, or even the one that I thought it would be, but right now I feel like things are just out of my reach. No matter how hard I try or how high I jump, I’ll never reach them. Everyone says that “you’re not the only one that feels this way. So many others do… ” Blah, blah, blah. Hearing that isn’t very comforting or helpful. It actually makes me feel worse.
Everyone’s situation is different, even if the feelings are the same. Sometimes I just want someone to listen to me. I don’t need advice, nor am I necessarily asking for any. I just want someone to hear me. I always feel like people are just brushing me off. Like my words and feelings don’t really matter. Like I am just being silly. What I want is validation. Validation that it is okay to feel they way that I do. That I am entitled to feel the way I do. That I am not being brushed off or simply agreed with so that I’ll shut up about what I am saying.
I guess I’ll just have to work through it on my own. There really is no other way to it. I’ll just have to listen to myself. Iam the only one who hears me anyway.