Once again I feel like I am at a loss for words, yet I have so much going on in my head that I don’t know what to say. Or at least, I don’t know where to start. 

As I sit here watching my fuzzy guy chew apart his bone, a smile creeps onto my face and I know that I am home. Where ever he is, I will be home. That is a fact that I know for sure. The love I feel for my Landon grows every day. He is home and as long as I have him in my life, I know I will survive.

I lost my job last week. There I said it. It’s out in the open now. I still have Second Cup, but my “big girl” is no more.  It wasn’t really a shock to me as I has been in talks with my supervisor about termination because the position just wasn’t working out for me. Wasn’t the right fit. So now it’s back to the drawing board. So far I haven’t found much. I applied at one place, but not sure when or if I’ll even hear back.

I’ve been thinking of writing some freelance articles but I’ve not sat down to actually do any work. I’ve got some ideas but just haven’t done anything with them. Writing has really taken a back-seat to everything, anything and nothing. I know, I know. I say this every time that I write something on here. 

Ugh! The sound of sirens are outside and flashing red lights streaming through my living room window. It’s funny because for once, at 11:30pm, they are not for my house. That’s almost a bitter-sweet thought. Before April 2012, it most likely would have been for Nonno and now that he is no longer with us, I don’t have to worry as much. Yet, I know that every time I hear sirens or see the flashing red lights rushing down my street, I am going to freeze and have that moment where I forget that he’s gone and worry about him. Sadly, this has happened a few times. I miss him so much. Sometimes my house feels so empty without him. So quiet. A few weeks ago, I could almost smell him in the living room. Like his aftershave was wafting through the air. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Sometimes I feel like he’s not… passed on and that he’s just away. But then something hits me and I am brought back to reality. Maybe I haven’t really grieved. I don’t feel like I have. 

This year has so many ups and downs but unfortunately there have been more downs than ups. I’m ready for a fresh start. I could really use one. 

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