As I logged in to write, I felt like I had a lot to say. Now that I have taken to the keyboard, I find that nothing coherent even wants to come out. There are so many different feelings swirling around in my head and in my heart and I feel like I don’t know which way to turn. Happiness has been fleeting. But in the midst of grieving I suppose that is normal. I’m trying to be positive and am trying to look towards the future and live in the moment, but the more I try, the harder it seems to be. Trapped in the what-ifs, I-should-haves, what-could-I-have-done-mores, I seem stuck in the past. Wrapped up in the loss, the regret, the guilt. I need to break free.
I need a release. 

Dance is a passion and it helps when I am in the moment. I get caught up in the movement, the music, the energy. I am free in that space. My soul is happy. But when it’s over, it’s like coming down from a high. I’m left yearning and reaching for more. I pine for the sweet release that dance gives me.Writing usually gives me the same. Except lately I’ve not done much of it and it’s been leaving me with more unanswerable questions. I hate when something is left unanswered, unaccounted for. 

Wanting. Waiting. Wishing. Hoping for something that will never happen. How do you overcome this?

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