Perhaps I should just immerse myself in writing today. I want to since there are so many different thoughts running through my head, but today I have a busy day ahead of me, so I most likely won’t be able to until later tonight. It’s a good thing that I have tomorrow off. Then I can spend the night writing. I really do need to spend more time doing it. I’ve been saying this forever yet never seem to make the time to do it. Or I just don’t do it. I don’t have an excuse for why. I just don’t. Sometimes I can’t right until I’m in a melancholic state of mind. Which, for some reason, today has brought about. Don’t know if that’s because I have someone on my mind, or a variety of other different things. Maybe it’s the weather. I don’t know. 

Guess I just need to express myself. Writing is therapy. It really is in my soul. I need to feed my soul’s desires and writing is probably the number one thing that it needs. Love is second. Happiness is third. Travel comes next. I know most people think that love should come first, but writing is how I discover myself and what I want. It’s like a lover to me. Something I turn to when I am in need. I think about it all the time. I dream in words. They wash over me. 

Love. Such a simple word with such a complicated impact at times. Love for family is almost instantaneous. You may not always like your family, but for the most part, you never stop loving them. Romantic love, is the complicated bit. Finding it. Realizing it. Keeping it. How do you know if it’s right? How do you know that’s what the other person is looking for the same? Or that they are looking for that with you?
How do you  know if someone you’re interested in is interested in you the same way? Sex doesn’t count. You can have sex with someone without wanting to be involved with them. How does one ask that question in the beginning? “Are we just sex partners, or do you see this going somewhere?” This is the question that runs through a female’s brain. I can’t say that it doesn’t through guy’s minds either, but perhaps I can say that it’s not as likely. 

I keep reading in a variety of different places that if you have sex on the first date, you’ve doomed yourself to having a relationship with that person. But then talking to people proves otherwise. How do you know what to believe? Your experiences are your best teachers, but the waiting to find out is brutal. In the words of Marilyn Monroe, ” I just want to be wonderful.” I want to expand on that. I just want to be wonderful in someone’s eyes. I want to see myself as wonderful through someone else’s eyes. I have a healthy self-esteem, but seeing yourself as beautiful through someone’s eyes is the beauty of love. 

It will happen one day. I just wish that I knew when that would be. Or more importantly, who with.

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