Fuck. Why is this so hard? I didn’t think that I had any tears left. Everyone in the house is asleep. Exhausted from the past week. I’ve already blogged once today, yet I just can’t seem to get all my feelings out at once. A glass of wine to numb the pain. I want something stronger. The darkness in the room helps, but what will happen tomorrow?

I literally feel like my heart is breaking. I wish I understood the grieving process. Just when you feel like you can’t cry anymore, they spill out and free-fall down your cheeks. I can’t control them. Or myself. 

I can’t sleep. But I silently sob so as not to wake anyone up. I have so much whirling around in my heart, but I can’t seem to get the words out to express my feelings. I can’t seem to string anything together. I know that I need to get to feel what I do because it’s a part of healing, but the hole that is left in my heart will never fully be repaired. 

Funny thing is, the passing of Papa is hitting me hard than any death I’ve encountered so far. Why?
I will never know.  

I only know that it hurts.

Hurts too much. 

Dark days loom over head…

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