In the words of Kylie Minogue, ” I just can’t get you outta my head.” Why does my brain take me on these journeys into the past? Reminding me of something that didn’t have a chance? The timing was off. I guess it’s the land of unknowing. The what-if factor. What if things were allowed to grow, to develop, to deepen? But they weren’t. The timing was wrong. I’ll never know. The future is yet to happen but no-one knows what it holds. Dwelling on the past is a useless past-time as you can never relive it. Pondering the future makes no sense either, since it never actually comes. All we have is now. This moment in time. The present. But I can’t seem to switch out of remembering what once was and what perhaps, could have been.

So many questions left unanswered. So many feelings left, for what? Left to just go away? Left to simmer? I don’t know what to expect of them. I don’t know what to think. I only know how I feel. And the feelings won’t leave. I am haunted in dreams. In music. In movies. In memory. What to do about it is the only question that remains unclear. Moving on is the answer, but how does one move on from their feelings? How does one even begin to stop remembering? Stop wondering? It’s the wondering that gets to me. How do I stop wondering about what could have been? I’ve tried and there are times where I am successful but then something always seems to catapult me back to where I started.

My mind is taken over. Sometimes I don’t mind, but other times I am left wondering how to stop. There are ways to be in the moment now and I do enjoy being there, but the mind and the heart are two things that can never be fully understood. We try to, but and very few succeed, but there are always going to be mysteries of both that will never be solved. At least not by me for me.

So I guess for today, I’ll enjoy the thoughts that come to my mind, ponder the what-could-have-beens, and revel in the emotions of the heart. I’ll see where that takes me today.


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